I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
