why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
