i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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