Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
