I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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