Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
