they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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