i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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