It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well you can't waste a boner
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
