I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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