So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
