dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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