Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
