so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
