Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
