38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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