This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
