I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
