So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
