planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
