its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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