my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
