so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
