i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
