At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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