you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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