dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
