I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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