i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
