pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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