NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were trust falling into bushes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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