dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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