spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My penis needs a shock collar
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
