I want to make a zoo with you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
