I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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