summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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