she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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