Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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