I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
