oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
