Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
