she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone came in the potted fern
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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