I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
