FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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