Your mouth is God's brothel.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
