To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
