worst night to have a conscience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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