When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
