I am spending my child support on dildos
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
