Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Actions speak louder than pants.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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