More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The air taste purple.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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