Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
