My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
