This dress was meant to end up on your floor
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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